I'm writing this from my mother's laptop in my parent's house, taking a moment to appreciate the luxuries implied by both, that I have a house within easy reach, with parents and a brother, heat, electricity, running water, food and computers to visit over Christmas.
I think that sense of gratitude was an important theme for me in 2012, I certainly blogged about it more than just on Thanksgiving the obligatory occassion in which we all take note that we could be much worse off. Perhaps it's inappropriate to frame it that way, but it's true. Whatever your situation you could be far more destitute than you are now, just by virtue of the fact that you're able to read this and therefore you either own or have access to a computer, do you ever think about that shit? Truth.
Other than that, I'm grateful to have my parents, both of whom are in their sixties and who one day I will not have, also truthful. And my brother, who's only here a few times a year now that he's down in Columbus which is a much further trek than where he used to live in New York.
And that I'm here with Adia, who I'll miss terribly (as well as all my friends who are with me in spirit) while I'm off at Shakespeare summer camp... well, winter camp, or whatever, for the month of January. For which I leave on either Friday or Saturday, it's still being negotiated when exactly I'll do that. And then I'll be gone for an entire month, away away away from the real world, how's that shit? Pretty wild man. I wonder how I'll feel coming back from all that time doing Shakespeare, Linklater, Alexander, and all the rest of the stuff they teach you.
I'm really excited. And I don't tend to get excited about things easily, to be honest... towards most things I feel a weary, vague anxiety much of the time. No that's not true, I still get excited. And I'm excited about this. Because I love acting! I love training, I love the study of the craft. Almost as much as I love getting up and doing it. But I really, really do appreciate those aspects of it, but I've never been in a true, full out conversatory enviornment where I was able to live and breathe acting. And from all the people I've talked to who have done it, I've gotten the impression that the intensive is a life changing experience and how many of those do we get to go through, as artists or otherwise?
So just a few more days of real life, then it's off to Shakespeare camp, and I can't wait.
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Dealing with Disappointment (And remaining grateful)
So, I had an audition and was called back for a local educational Shakespeare theatre company this week. You know the one. For the callback, I was asked to prepare sides for Mercutio and Bottom, two of my dream roles. Normally in these situations, I've learned to distance myself from the possibility of being cast, but seeing as I really wanted the gig, and also to work with the director, someone I know and respect quite a lot, I didnt. I allowed myself to want it, to think about getting it and that maybe i could and would. I really tried to prep the sides as best as i could.
I found out from a friend at the callback, while waiting to do last night's performance of Vanya, that he'd gotten the role and my heart sunk. It was offficial. I tried not to wallow in my disappointment but it was with me through preshow and the first act. I think my castmates sensed it and tried to indirectly cheer me up which was very sweet of them. By the time of act 4, I was busy doing show stuff I have to, and feeling better. After a beer, a glass of wine and some cathartic guitar playing at the reception my spirits were feeling buyoed. Such is the power of music, theatre, and alcohol, right? Oh and of course, the most important of all, friendship.
Of the sides, one was Queen Mab, which I actually mostly know having learned it for another audition at Stoneham, previously blogged about. So i tried to relearn it. In addition, we were given the first scene between Demitrius and Helena. But the thing that really took me was Bottom's Dream, and what a dream of a piece it is.
I read Midsummer Night's Dream when I was in middle school and then saw it in the round at Northshore music theatre, as we would do with Romeo and Juliet the next year. It was my first real exposure to Shakespeare. I remember liking the production, and Puck in particular. I'd hadn't given much thought to Midsummer since, it's one of those plays everybody does that theatre people poo poo as being safe or redundant as a production choice. I always figured, being a comedic actor, I'd do Bottom sooner or later. I did all the clowns in Shakespeare plays in college and at one time sort of aspired to make them my bread and butter. Little did I know just what a role Bottom is, and realizing that sucked me down the rabbit hole of desire that often leads to disappointment.
I don't often indulge myself that way, of really wanting something like that, unless it's something with someone I know pretty well and can count on getting something in, and even then I temper my expectations. Because disappointment is painful. We've all been tnere, it's nothing new.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I maybe focused too much on Bottom and not enough on the two person scene that i did first and which was really my audition. My scene partner was great, she played the role and attacked it with a lot of energy, which I responded to and we improvised all sorts of fun stuff, it was really cool. But who knows how good I actually was, I don't, and it doesn't really matter. What they needed were people to drive to schools and do stage combat (the shows were Midsummer, Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet, far amount of sword fighting), I have neither a car or stage combat experience, so there you go. I shouldn't say that, of course they needed talented people, and there were plenty of them at the callback to choose from (who did have cars and stage combat experience). After that reading, I was released and I basically knew what that meant. But another girl in that position asked to read her second piece and they let her. I'm sure it didnt matter in the long run but if nothing else I wanted to show someone my Bottom (haha I'd already gotten into the character!) so i asked to stay and read it. They were very kind in indulging me, and laughed politely and complimented the piece. I thought it was pretty funny, but who ever knows, and ultimately irrelevant.
No, not irrelevant, being defeatist about it doesn't accomplish anything. The optimistic rationalist in me, the voice of other people who maybe don't work in this business for example is saying "but maybe they saw something and will think of you for something else because of it" and yeah, maybe. And of course it didn't hurt. And it gave me something else to take away, another layer to the experience, in that I was at the audition and I did my best to get in the most auditioning while I was there and try out this piece I'd been working on. One of the auditioners even said, when I expressed my delight at discovering Bottom, "if nothing else you have a new audition piece".
And now its on to the next thing. I have an audition Monday, oh and three more weeks of Vanya to do. I thought of writing "to get through" but the show's such a pleasure to be a part of, get through what? Perform in a beautiful production of a play i love by my favorite writer ever with people I like and enjoy being around? To quote the Vanya, "what a rough deal. Where's the rough part?" And furthermore "to gratitude!"
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Blogging Along the River of Babylon (no significance just sounds cool)
Well hello readers of my blog! Why am I addressing this as an epistle? Well, why not. Did you know that before the novel entered it's modern 19th to 20th century incarnation, epistolary fiction was a very popular form? Mary Shelley's Frankenstein for example. I learned in that my college expository writing class where I was supposed to have read a bunch of them but didn't really and still got like an A-.
Anyway, I feel like catching up on a few things with y'all. For instance, this is going to be the first of no doubt numerous blog posts on my second go around with Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead. This time as you know, I'm playing Alfred and at this rate when I inevitably do the show again because people do this play kind of a lot maybe I'll be Hamlet and the time after that, who knows! Anyway, so yeah, from my end of things we've had two rehearsals with the Tragedian ensemble mostly exploring physical character work type stuff through acting games, mimes and practicing dying different ways (as the player hammers him, his troupe of players are very into deaths) and a little bit of rough playing around sort of workshopping a few of the "play within a play" tableau type sequences. So far, so fun! As it turns out, we'll be the ensemble of tragedians for both the English and Spanish versions of the production. At the rehearsals I've been to, we didn't have the Player's Spanish speaking counterpart but that will be a serious trip figuring out how to coordinate those sequences in a language I don't particularly speak, para un pequito (which I think means except a little bit).
Last night was the first I'd been in a room with what was close to being but wasn't quite as if often the case the full cast for our read through, in English but trading off and stuff. And man, this play is dense. Our director Danielle has cut it down substantially in the hopes of making it run two hours or less and will probably cut it even more before we're through. To be honest, even having been in it, big parts of this play are still a little over my head. But then, I've never really put the full energy necessary to sitting down with the entire text, reading it through and putting all the pieces about the nature of drama and metaphysics together. Hearing it read again though, those things clicked for me in some new ways, so maybe I'll make it part of my blogging project this summer to chronicle both the bi-lingual experience and my own musings on the piece's dramaturgy.
As that is just now beginning to crawl along, Three Sisters is running to the finish line! But first we must overcome the massive hurdle... OF TECH WEEK. Tonight is supposed to be our first off book run, and I feel mostly ready. This past Sunday was our first stumble through and it definitely highlighted the problem passages for me, which isn't to say that this from a memorization stand point this translation is anything but problematic. But the character is there, the arc is there, the relationship with Irina is there and in theory this is the best and most fun part. Actually getting to do it!
As an actor getting the opportunity to act it's important to stop every once in a while and think "wow this is so great, I'm acting!" because hey, getting a shot at working your stuff in a room of people is hard to do so be grateful when it happens. In that way, acting is different than most creative pursuits. Painters, writers, musicians they can just sit and do there thing and take down their output even if it's going into a void. But acting doesn't exist in a void, inherently it requires an audience! Technology and Youtube and stuff has brought us closer to the model of a recording artist or writer, in that with the internet you can put yourself out into the world, but it's incredibly hard to create traction. Generally with theatre, some of that exists, although not always and that's one kind of experience that it's much more complicated to manufacture. So you know, I've hit on this theme before, remain grateful.
Speaking of being grateful, I had an experience to be grateful for yesterday, an audition for a part in a feature film. Specifically, The Way Way Back which was written and is being directed by the writers of The Descendants and will have Steve Carell in it. Exciting, right? I read for Charlie, an 18 year old hippy stoner dead head guy, who one of the leads a 14 year old kid has a brief interaction with at a beach party. It required me to act spaced out and do a sort of weird spacey dance and deliver a few lines. Which I did! I tried to keep it interesting and make fun dynamic choices while also bringing in the world of the party, the guy putting me on tape had me go gradually bigger and bigger with it, which I did hopefully without blowing out the frame, so to speak. And maybe I'll get a call back. More likely not because those are just the brakes. But again, I was grateful for the opportunity, and that's where you've gotta be.
Anyway, I feel like catching up on a few things with y'all. For instance, this is going to be the first of no doubt numerous blog posts on my second go around with Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead. This time as you know, I'm playing Alfred and at this rate when I inevitably do the show again because people do this play kind of a lot maybe I'll be Hamlet and the time after that, who knows! Anyway, so yeah, from my end of things we've had two rehearsals with the Tragedian ensemble mostly exploring physical character work type stuff through acting games, mimes and practicing dying different ways (as the player hammers him, his troupe of players are very into deaths) and a little bit of rough playing around sort of workshopping a few of the "play within a play" tableau type sequences. So far, so fun! As it turns out, we'll be the ensemble of tragedians for both the English and Spanish versions of the production. At the rehearsals I've been to, we didn't have the Player's Spanish speaking counterpart but that will be a serious trip figuring out how to coordinate those sequences in a language I don't particularly speak, para un pequito (which I think means except a little bit).
Last night was the first I'd been in a room with what was close to being but wasn't quite as if often the case the full cast for our read through, in English but trading off and stuff. And man, this play is dense. Our director Danielle has cut it down substantially in the hopes of making it run two hours or less and will probably cut it even more before we're through. To be honest, even having been in it, big parts of this play are still a little over my head. But then, I've never really put the full energy necessary to sitting down with the entire text, reading it through and putting all the pieces about the nature of drama and metaphysics together. Hearing it read again though, those things clicked for me in some new ways, so maybe I'll make it part of my blogging project this summer to chronicle both the bi-lingual experience and my own musings on the piece's dramaturgy.
As that is just now beginning to crawl along, Three Sisters is running to the finish line! But first we must overcome the massive hurdle... OF TECH WEEK. Tonight is supposed to be our first off book run, and I feel mostly ready. This past Sunday was our first stumble through and it definitely highlighted the problem passages for me, which isn't to say that this from a memorization stand point this translation is anything but problematic. But the character is there, the arc is there, the relationship with Irina is there and in theory this is the best and most fun part. Actually getting to do it!
As an actor getting the opportunity to act it's important to stop every once in a while and think "wow this is so great, I'm acting!" because hey, getting a shot at working your stuff in a room of people is hard to do so be grateful when it happens. In that way, acting is different than most creative pursuits. Painters, writers, musicians they can just sit and do there thing and take down their output even if it's going into a void. But acting doesn't exist in a void, inherently it requires an audience! Technology and Youtube and stuff has brought us closer to the model of a recording artist or writer, in that with the internet you can put yourself out into the world, but it's incredibly hard to create traction. Generally with theatre, some of that exists, although not always and that's one kind of experience that it's much more complicated to manufacture. So you know, I've hit on this theme before, remain grateful.
Speaking of being grateful, I had an experience to be grateful for yesterday, an audition for a part in a feature film. Specifically, The Way Way Back which was written and is being directed by the writers of The Descendants and will have Steve Carell in it. Exciting, right? I read for Charlie, an 18 year old hippy stoner dead head guy, who one of the leads a 14 year old kid has a brief interaction with at a beach party. It required me to act spaced out and do a sort of weird spacey dance and deliver a few lines. Which I did! I tried to keep it interesting and make fun dynamic choices while also bringing in the world of the party, the guy putting me on tape had me go gradually bigger and bigger with it, which I did hopefully without blowing out the frame, so to speak. And maybe I'll get a call back. More likely not because those are just the brakes. But again, I was grateful for the opportunity, and that's where you've gotta be.
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