Finding the Punch

Another post about stand up. Tuesday is the next Middle East open mic, I'm back on forth on whether to go and do it or not. I talked to a friend in my improv troupe yesterday who spent many years doing work as a stand up, and she was encouraging, which was nice. One suggestion she had, which I'm aware of but haven't started doing yet, is recording yourself on stage to listen to later, which I think whenever I do it next I'll be trying.

I feel anxiety about the preparedness of my material. Not having really throughly prepared material hasn't stopped me from going up and doing it the past two weeks, but I feel like I need to fix that, that I need to get into a mode of WORKING on jokes (call back to a conversation I had with my friend James about working, don't worry you aren't supposed to get it), actively crafting them, but I don't feel the motivation, or the sense that I'd really know where to start in honing them and finding the punch (as in punch line) behind them. I have several premises, one or two one liners and several other ideas and stories floating in my head, a few of which I've tried to varying levels of success. It's tough only having five minutes, or this last time I did it when I got cut off early (which is what I get for showing up late) to work through material. Which is an argument for working on it off stage, and going up as much as possible.

Except I feel... lazy. Stand up isn't the same rush for me as is acting. But I feel compelled to pursue it. Ironic that I'm simultaneously lazy. People are impressed when I tell them about it, which is cool I guess. They say it must be exciting, and I respond "well it's very difficult".

This reminds me of an extremely awkward encounter I had waiting for the red line the other day. An elderly woman comes up to me, "are you Mike Handelman?" I tell that yes, I am, she lives around the corner from the Loeb and saw me last summer in Speech and Debate and then in Measure for Measure and wanted to know if I was doing Harvard Summer Theatre again which no, I am not, and I thanked her. It's nice to think that something about what I did in those shows made her remember my name, and that she wanted to see more of my work. It was awkward meeting a fan. I stumbled over my words somewhat in speaking to her, not because I was nervous but because it was simply strange and new.

Other things... I had a callback today. Not sure if I got it, haven't heard anything. Fingers crossed, although if I do get it, it will make things complicated with my other show which goes up about a month before. I did this same thing all of this past year, and it was pretty difficult, not crazy about repeating the process. But I need the experience and the credits, so if I do get it I'll have to say yes.

Tomorrow (today? it's Monday which I guess technically is today already) is my last Shakespeare class. What a ride it's been, I've certainly learned a lot. I'm a little nervous for our final presentation in front of a small audience. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I'd really like for my scene to go well, and it's been a challenge getting it from point A to point B.

In the meantime it's June going on July, I'm not rehearsing anything (yet), I'm just in summer mode. Summertime, and the living is easy, etc. I think I want to apply to grad schools this year. I just realized if I'm going to do that, I need to start sooner rather than later. Would you like to write me a letter of recommendation? No, I'm kidding. But seriously would you?

Standing Up Part II

Stand update (see what I did there?), last night I returned to the open mic and gave stand up yet another go. Whereas last time I emailed ahead for a slot, this time I rolled in around 11 and signed up in person, waited an hour or so, and went up after midnight with the joint more or less in after hours mode. Another change was that I loosened up a bit this time with a few beers, which seems like an obvious thing to do at any kind of open mic in a bar, but this added step definitely aided my efforts, which were improved over last time. It helped having some sense of moral support, having chatted with a few of the other dudes there, with whom I shared some mutual acquaintances, and the dude before me being so super high crazy energetic (he dropped a lot of gay slurs in his act in various contexts not in an explicitly offensive way but sort of in the Brechtian sense, at least I think that's what was going on) I went up and tried to match it. I then went into an extremely lewd routine about sex and the umm... culinary qualities. Ok let's cut to the chase it was about swallowing ejaculate. And in the middle of this bit, a scantily clad girl who was there for the Middle East's weekly 18 and up club night wanders through the open mic section of the club and I have to stop and say "OK why did she have to walk through right then?" which cracked the audience up, as well as myself, and although I got a huge response it kind of killed my momentum. But still! A response! It was a little frustrating also that since I was going up so late, my time was less than the standard five minutes, so I only really got through that bit and one very short one before I brought the next guy up, but oh well.

So where am I at with stand up? Well it's nice to feel some improvement from one week to the next, definitely. I know I need to continue honing my material, obviously, which is unto itself a life long pursuit. I wonder if to improve my writing I should start writing sketches and plays and those other things I've been meaning to try as a means to improve my overall sense of wording. I'll get there eventually. In the meantime, I may wait a week or two before standing up again, and take some time to do some of that honing I talked about, and really fill my five minutes WITH BITS!

Guitar Post

I had a dentist's appointment this afternoon, and it so happens my dentist is in Kenmore and before heading over there I had a significant amount of time to kill... Guitar Center time! For a musician, well I guess for a guitarist, there is a kid in a candy store quality to hanging out at Guitar Center. All those instruments and amps and toys to play with! Previously I hadn't been able to find the newly relocated GC and settled for Daddy's Junky Music by Berklee, where I greatly enjoyed playing a Godin archtop guitar, something about that guitar really came alive in my hands. Conversely, a Godin single bridge humbucker "shreddy" guitar really didn't do anything for me after well, shredding on it for 30 seconds. Today I really enjoyed a Fender Telecaster through a Fender Amp, I think if I were to get a new guitar I'd get a tele. There is a real beauty and versatility in the simplicity of those instruments, I think.

I find as of late I have less and less mental space for guitar, although it goes up and down. I know that if I really focused on the instrument and the study of music there is another level I could reach, but I'm frankly kind of too lazy, and too concerned with bringing my acting further. It's something I've written about in other spaces. Another contributing factor has been my inability to forge long lasting collaborations with other musicians, like say... a band, which is like being in a second relationship with no sexual intercourse but requiring a great deal of effort, and which doesn't work if all parties don't contribute.

Maybe someday I'll have the time to achieve what I want to on my instrument. I guess it's kind of a "first world problem", a lot of people are truly passionate about music but can't advance past a certain point. I can't really foresee music for me as anything other than a highly enjoyable hobby and a useful special skill. Someday I'd kind of like to be one of those people who are proficient at guitar, bass, drums and piano. Now THAT would take some doing on my part, as I'm not so naturally musically talented as to be immediately proficient at all those.

I've been downloading a lot more music now that I have a new computer with a big empty hard drive. Right now I'm listening to some pretty tasty jazz fusion from John Mclaughlin. Then again I find his newer stuff kind of sterile. I got some Grant Green as well, which is not sterile and some Derek Trucks. Lots of guitar music. And that's what this post has been about.

Get Up, Stand Up

So I did it. This past Tuesday, I signed up for an open mic, with maybe three jokes prepared, thinking I could fill the rest of the space with propensity and talent as a comic actor and improviser. Or maybe not. I had a revelation Tuesday, stand up is difficult.

How difficult? Very difficult. In almost every other context I've performed in, the audience was willing to give the benefit of the doubt and you had their attention at least for umpteen seconds until they inevitably tuned out to some degree and hopefully tuned back in. Also though, doing theatre or improv your main focus can't be on the audience it has to be on your scene partner, the story your telling, etc. Not so with stand up! It is all about holding the audience's attention, and a lot of that has to do first with your energy on stage. In a theatre context, I can exude confidence and stage presence pretty immediately at this point, I would say. Not so with stand up. Then again this particular venue was especially difficult, since the crowd's attention really was only half on the stage and the other half on their conversation, if that. I saw a few guys who clearly knew what they were doing really capture the room, and it was impressive. It takes stage presence, it takes a point of view, and it takes material that's worth of a damn.

I don't really have any of that yet, although at least I can recognize it, and that is a start. Of my jokes, the ones which were sort of at the comic who went before me's expense, which I ad libbed, were probably my most successful. I wasn't trying to make fun of him, but then again I sort of was, since he did an extended, rather unsuccessful IMHO bit on Hitler and how it wasn't as bad as he could have been, or something. It didn't really make much sense. It was kind of borderline offensive. I just had to point out "man that guy sure did do a lot of material on Hitler, that takes dedication." Hopefully I wasn't too snarky in a bad way, I tried to be sincere. I made a point that it was my first time doing stand up, that I was "losing my stand up virginity" and that at least got a good cheer from the sympathetic crowd as I bowed off after, I don't know, 90 seconds maybe.

I think I will do it again, slightly wiser, and with a few new ideas for bits and how to make the ones I tried the other night more successful. I've been harping on a quote lately, "the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step" I think it's Lao Tzu or something, but I don't actually know. I do know that I like it's implication.

Good, not great?

Well, Stagesource is over, thankfully. I can focus on whatever is next, with the knowledge that I did that, and maybe hopefully I'll get a callback or something.

In the meantime I'm left to evaluate "how did I do" and field the question "how did you do?" and I thought it went well, but I didn't think it was the pinnacle of my ability as a performer. I can think of various aspects to the audition that I could have done better, that I have done better other times, with those particular pieces. Therefore, the title of the post. Or am I deluding myself, one way or another? Was it really good, and I just don't realize it? It certainly wasn't bad, I feel I know that. I got a laugh on my slate, that was a weird feeling, and it sort of threw me because then I had to stop and acknowledge the laugh before going into my pieces. I think it's a good thing that I did, I mean it must have showcased my comic timing on some level. OK so what was the laugh? I'd practiced with my coach how to do the slate, her attitude is NOT to do that whole self deprecating, meager "hello my name is so and so and I will be presenting such and such" and instead to say "Hi, my name is this and this is that!", take a breath and go. Mine went something like "Hi my name is Mike Handelman and this is Iago and The Underpants *cue room wide laughter*" which in retrospect was the biggest laugh I got out of the whole thing. I got a bit of one on my second comic piece when I went for it at the end, then it was over, I was out. It felt very quick, I must have come in well under two minutes.

And then I walked out of the Calderwood, and took the train home, still chasing that next level of work and how to bring it into the audition room. I feel like working with said coach I got the pieces to a higher level then what I presented, I think I got into my head again after we spent that time getting me out of it. That's the next challenge, being in my body, where the moment lives.

Today's kernel of wisdom

Shakespeare is so fucking hard. Not to say I don't enjoy the challenge! But, well, my dream is to perform Shakespeare professionally and on a regular basis, and I'm a ways away from accomplishing that. Not much else to do other than keep working at it, yeah?

Oh and I take back my post about not getting anything, I did get something, it's very small but I think it'll be fun.

In other news, Stagesource is Sunday. I was timing my pieces today, and they were definitely not running under two minutes, but luckily I have a back up, which I'll probably use. Still thinking about stand up. Other auditions are on the horizon. That's all I've got for right now.

standing up

OK so I'm gonna do it. I've started writing out a few bits I've had bouncing around in my head, and variations on them, the Middle East has an open mic night on Tuesday, I'm going to go and try and get through five minutes of stand up without suffocating on stage. I'm not particularly worried, I found with my quiz gig the other night I was shaky for a while and then I fell into a solid rhythm I think this will be the same thing. I know I'm funny, I know I have chops as a performer, particularly comedically, I just need to start honing them into the direction of... let's say stand up comedy to start. Basically I've been listening to a lot of What The Fuck with Marc Maron, which is usually all about the stand up world, and it's been leading me to get psyched up about this new venture. I'm still a little intimidated, I don't expect it to be easy, and going anywhere with it? Forget about it. But the beginning of any journey is the first step, and that's what I'm going to take.

tapering off

As you can see my activity on this blog has tapered off. If you have been reading, leave a comment, and I'll probably post more.

I'll take a moment anyway, on the subject of tapering off, to have a thought. Is work as an actor now going to "taper off"? I realized after my last play I needed to recharge my batteries, but is recharging overrated? I kind of realized this streak of getting roles in things was going to happen sooner or later, and I'm wondering if that's now. Granted, I was offered a role, but I turned it down because it wasn't going to be a good experience. And then I didn't get something I wanted and thought I could get. Happens all the time to everybody. It's a little hard not to feel discouraged afterwards. In reality I shouldn't be worrying, more stuff is around the corner, but I'm already getting that itch to rehearse and perform, which is funny. Then again I don't want to start performing TOO soon, I'd like something in August or September. I would take July though. Or maybe next week. Yep, well, maybe I'll post when I have something.

saying "no"

I said no to a role for the first time in my "professional" acting career. I won't say who it was, if you've spoken to me recently I've been telling the story. But it was a very small role in a production that seemed clearly to be going no where but the shitter, with a company that was clearly being run atrociously and purely out of vanity. So yay for saying no sometimes. I spoke to a friend of mine about it, who interviewed for said company, who confirmed my suspicion.

So, bullet dodged. It would have been a harder decision had I been offered a more prominent role, who am I kidding, but I'm glad it worked out. Today I really need to get to the gym, I paid $100 for a new gym membership at this place near Porter, now that I can't go to Harvard anymore, and I really should be using it. I should also be preparing for my Shakespeare class tonight, that'll be fun. I think we're presenting, my scene partner and I. I have some scancion and some line learning to do. Also coming soon, auditions. And quizmastering! Did I mention my second round of training was a bust? Yeah, it was, I went and the guy was there but nobody came to play the quiz, so I'm kind of going into hosting blind a little bit. Whatever though, I'll have a chaperone to help me out.

We are June, it is summer, weather is beautiful. I don't know what the future holds. Prior to this point in my life I could sort of predict what was next, another grade of school, another year of college, but all I know for certain is that I will keep getting older, and hopefully wiser as well. Here's to the great unknown, cheers.

Soliloquy

Soliloquy, hard to spell, hard to perform well. Usually, when acting something, you have a scene partner to take cues and impulses off of. In doing a monologue, this is even more important, because you have to create an imaginary scene partner. Soliloquys are difficult because there is no scene partner, you are taking to the audience. This is especially challenging for me, because I'm so used to creating that imaginary person in my monologue work, I spent an entire semester with Will Lebow figuring out that trick but when say performing "Thou nature art my goddess" or "Thus do I ever make my fool my purse", two villainous soliloquys I've performed in the past, that doesn't really work. The latter I learned more recently, and have more seriously pursued as an audition piece, and today working with my monologue coach I had a breakthrough with it. The other difficulty of course is Shakespeare's fucking verse, and doing justice to it while using it as a guide an aid through the text. Working today though, I found the correct focus, and really hitting on the pentameter and the line endings, started really cruising through the speech for the first time, and really felt the language and it's ideas carry me. It felt good! Stagesource here I come.

Preparation

Let's see how long I can keep this streak of updating nightly, shall we? Or am I the only person keeping score?

In response to yesterday's post, today's training was uneventful. I was supposed to read a chunk of the quiz questions, and practice doing the quiz and scoring simultaneously, which is a big part of the multitasking required in quizmastering. Except, the venue was in Quincy, in case you don't know Quincy as my fellow quizmaster but it, it is where twenty somethings go to die. So not a lot of turn out on a Wednesday for trivia night, actually no turn out, the place was empty. The bartender chalked it up to last night's play off game. We stuck around for an hour, and then gave up on the venture. I'm still getting paid, and it was nice getting to leave early, especially cause it's such a pain getting back, but the training would have come in handy.

In other news, the topic I was going to write about was preparation. How do you prepare for an audition. If they gave you something specific to prepare, that's easy, read the rest of the text or as much as you can get, piece together the given circumstances and make choices based on that work. Or, what about when you are presenting two contrasting pieces. That I find more challenging, actually. Being told what to prepare is kind of a crutch for me to lean on, "this is my text, now I work on it" and I feel there is less judgement because they know this is what they gave you, and this is what you did with it. I find monologue auditions of my own choosing much more stressful and difficult. Maybe because I haven't really locked down a good way of preparing monologues yet. I feel like in the case of a full performance, I have all this context around which to build and prepare, from the director to my castmates to the production itself, all that context gives me structure and goals to meet and a circumstance in which I rehearse. Working on my own, I'm sort of at a loss sometimes. I guess what I do is sort of run the piece in my head, think through the beats, the shifts and accompanying tactic changes, the relationship, etc. It's very intellectually driven for me, and sometimes that works, othertimes I get to the audition and the piece just doesn't take off. I've worked a lot in classes on how to prepare monologues, and I felt like this past semester was kind of a breakthrough but one which I'm yet to fully harnass so that I'm consistently doing work in auditions where I'm like "fuck yeah you saw that shit" which is what I want. I don't lack for material, I have five monologues in rotation, three contemporary and two classical and another contemporary I've been meaning to learn but haven't yet. Still all this is taking on poignancy because guess what's around the corner STAGESOURCE. This is my first time doing it, and now that I'm graduated, I'd really like to start making some steps forward in my career and Stagesource is an opportunity to do that if I get seen for the right roles. I also have to be ready for nothing to come of it. Acting is hard, huh? I am certainly (not) the first person to ever say that, ever.

I am... THE QUIZMASTER

More like sweat master. You may or may not know that I sweat PROFUSELY. But I'm getting ahead of myself! Tonight was my first night training to become a quiz master with Geeks Who Drink, a bar trivia company (but we don't call it trivia, it's a quiz, whatever) new to Boston establishing QUIZ nights in several bars, including my eventual bar, which will be Tommy Doyle's in Kendall Square. I was going to start last week, but due to Mousetrap and other stuff, someone had to cover for me last week, and this week I went to train under them, and learn the rhythms of THE QUIZMASTER. And it's all about rhythm, I found, and making the eight rounds of questions an enjoyable two hours while getting in all the requisite information, plugging the bar staff, etc and did I mention setting up and breaking down the equipment? I also have to maintain a blog.

I had been kind of nervous about this. This is, actually, like my first real... job ever in my life, which is sort of pathetic I know but don't judge me. Anyway it's the first time I've ever had real responsibility, and it seemed a little overwhelming at first but after seeing it done for the first time tonight, I think I'll be able to handle it, and handle it well. Indeed, I'm quite looking forward to it! The job consists of delivering questions to the audience, encouraging to eat and drink, and being witty and charming and engaging as you do it. Basically, I'm looking at it as an opportunity to kind of work on my "schtick", my persona as a performer from the less fine-arts side of my craft, the part I've been engaging with in my blog. I see two sides to the actor, especially the comic character actor type, like myself. The artist, and the comic, the classically trained actor and the vaudevillian. It's fun getting in touch with my inner comic, the entertainer, I hope to subsidize my art through that practice for a while, and then beyond. I think this will be good fun, and an opportunity to hone my hosting chops for future gigs.

If anyone is reading and is curious, you can see my sink or swim at my first hosting gig next week at Tommy Doyle's in Kendall Square at 6:30 PM. The dude who I shadowed tonight will be there as a chaperone to keep me from train wrecking. Tomorrow is my second night of training, I'll actually read some questions this time, I think.