Revisiting Friends at the Serebryakov Estate

Well, hello there blogosphere! God I hate that word. Well, hello there people who read my blog! I realize it's been a while, my posts have become much more erratic since I was writing like a man possessed this past summer... well, I'll try to be better about it. Even though I still owe a post, partially written down the pipeline, on the intensive in Lecoq technique I took two, almost three weekends ago and also my foray into modern dance at Boston Ballet with my dance teacher... after tonight's rehearsal of the revival of Uncle Vanya, I just can't help blogging about it!

This is my second time revisiting a previously mounted production with an altered cast, the previous time having been when we did The Muse for Turtle Lane's Young Actor's Winter Festival and then it was accepted into the Samuel French Off Off Broadway Short Play Festival, and because the actor who'd played my counterpart had to work all that summer, we recast the role, with the other actor out of the cast of three remaining constant. And that was quite an interesting experience seeing how the play changed but fundamentally remained the same production.

It was also in many ways like visiting with an old friend, especially when we did it again for another festival the play was in consideration for where we quickly rehearsed and filmed it, again with another actor. Relearning the lines was like putting on a familiar suit, or I don't know something else you only wear for specific occasions, you come up with a metaphor.

In this case, I am reconnecting with old friends, specifically all the returning cast from our previous go around with this show, a few of whom I've had the pleasure of working with in the intervening time. It's also meant revisiting the music I learned to play on the guitar for the show last December, which is coming at a quite a good time for me musically actually, as in the last few months I've gotten back into guitar playing in a way I hadn't felt for sometime.

In addition of course I'm being reunited with Chekov's play... have I written enough about Chekhov in this blog? Frankly I have not! I remember being introduced to Chekhov in I guess what was basically my junior year of college, right before turning 21. In fact, it would have been right around this time that I would have been starting my Chekhov themed acting class with my teacher Scott Zigler whom I credit for first giving me many of the tools I use in my work today, much of it coming through that class.

I remember vividly how stuck I'd become in my work the previous year after working for two semesters with a very, very far out college director on productions of Suddenly, Last Summer in the autumn (which I actually thought was very good and nearly could have been disaster) and then Hamlet in the Spring (which was, in fact, a complete disaster and was the worst experience working in theatre I've ever had and if anything ever eclipses it God help me). This kid was super duper artsy and avant garde, I mean seriously, and I was 19 or 20 or whatever at the time so of course I was super into it and it came at a time when I'd been away from doing theatre for over a year, but that particular semester was when I discovered Common Casting at Harvard. Since Harvard doesn't have a proper theatre department, all of the shows on campus are completely extra curricular and run by volunteer students with support from technical and administrative staff at the American Repertory Theatre and the Office for the Fine Arts at Harvard. This applies to the casting process as well, which is completely open to anyone who wanders into the Loeb or other spaces where auditions are held and wants to sign up. After going through this process half a dozen times through my time at the Extension school, it's usually Harvard College kids who get parts. To be cast as a non Harvard College student (being part of the Extension school, I was not one of them) you needed to be very talented or very lucky or happen to audition for someone very much on the fringe of the theatre scene aka somebody craaaazy, which I later realized this director was, in a very particular way that was in part a response but stemming from the Ivy League environment and his own desire to be an artistic rebel. Ah, college! Anyway, working with this kid was an exercise in extreme stylization, which I was into at the time, and it's possible you've subsequently seen me give some pretty big performances, and that's what he was all about. The bigger, the crazier, the better. Anyway, to make a long story short, after two semesters working with this guy I'd practically forgotten how to act naturalistically. Mind you, before working with him in the first place I was still really figuring out how exactly to do that like you do when you're a teenager and I think in high school I came pretty close but who's to say?

Don't you wish sometimes you had footage of your high school plays? I'm thinking of one in particular where I was the lead, my first time doing anything dramatic. I felt at the time, even being about as self critical back then as I am now, that I did pretty well and I received some very positive feedback but oh wait Chekhov...

So anyway, working in that really crazy stylized environment I'd lost sight of what it meant to act like a human being after two semesters of doing crazy voices and crawling around on the floor. Being exposed to Chekhov at that time, who wrote for people to act like real people on stage and did so as beautifully as anyone has ever done, I think, from my limited exposure to world drama. At the time, I appreciated as an actor how wonderfully nuanced his scenes are. A case study in this was the first week of presented work, myself and two other groups presented the "seduction" scene from Uncle Vanya, featuring three very different pairs of Astrovs and Yelenas presenting three very different interpretations of the scene and final products later on. In fact, they were completely different, and maybe the juiciest thing for me about Chekhov is the sheer geometry of his writing, you can come at every line and character from so many different angles there's no one direction in the text, it's wide open to whatever you find within it. And that's what I needed to rediscover, being in a real moment and finding the things that make them real to you and to the characters and stepping away from the crutch of silly voices, like I'd been doing.

And in Vanya particularly, there are so many beautiful things to be found. Today for the first time I watched the full, new cast in action, as we rehearsed Act III, the play's climatic act with the seduction and the gun shot and it was the first time I'd seen my cast mates working largely off book and the first time I'd seen the act from start to finish, ever, come to think of it. Seeing it done, and connecting it with when I'd recently watched acts I and II I saw how our production came to be so popular, but also really came to appreciate Chekhov's skill with dramatic structure in a way that made me really want to go back and reread the major plays. Uncle Vanya in particular breathes and arcs so incredibly beautifully. Diego Arciniegas (maybe you've heard of him? He'll be playing Vanya this time) commented tonight in rehearsal the way that the lines of the play are so well distributed and it's true, it's really an ensemble piece. And that speaks to the way that each act begins with an intimate spark, with just a few characters on stage, which builds to a fire involving most of the cast and then disperses and settles again into another moment of sublime intimacy.

This Russian guy really knew what he was doing when he wrote these plays. And let me take a moment and point out the same is true for our cast and director, who are really crafting a unique and electric piece of theatre which I could not be prouder to be a part of. It's been really cool to watch, because basically the whole play had been staged ahead of time, so we've been working at a much more accelerated pace then I've become accustomed to, not that I really have all that much acting work but it's still cool to compare. Especially doing the play again with three new actors in leads, everything being in one way the same but also being so new and different, wow what an experience.

And that's why I just had to blog about it, because the experience will continue to evolve as we rapidly throttle towards opening... Yikes! October 10th! By which time I'll be 24. Did you know that? It's true. Lots of other things have been going on, I've had lots of ideas for blog posts, but lacked the focus and energy to put them down. Well, here's this one! Boom! Don't worry, I'll be back blogging at you soon.

Making It Work For You (!)

Tonight was a return of sorts to my work with my teacher from this summer, the wonderful Yo-el Cassell. I was in a position to take one class this fall, and I thought about doing the Company One acting workshop I did last fall, but I really wanted to continue the work I started in my movement class so Modern Dance at Boston Ballet on Thursdays seemed like the correct choice for where I'm at right now.

A decision which was reaffirmed during our session tonight. It was myself, seven or eight other students (including my friend Mary from Swimming in the Shallows whom I turned onto the class), Yo-el, and a percussionist to provide accompaniment. Just being in the room with Yo-el is fun and inspiring. He brings a tremendous amount of energy and enthusiasm to his classes, and just a general sense of fun which makes it easy to leave wanting more... unless you're exhausted and dripping with sweat, as I was at the end of this particular session.

It was very interesting seeing Yo-el work in this new context. Over the summer I was in movement for actors which brought with it a particular emphasis and energy from the presence of that particular group, whereas this is modern dance as offered by the sort of continuing education extension of Boston Ballet. So it was clear we had some serious ballet students, some more intermediate people and of course myself the stumbling beginner with near to none dance experience. And the emphasis on this class, in this session, was definitely on dance. We did some free work certainly, which as usual came most easily to me, but much of the class was taken up learning sequences of movements in sort of a Laban mode, neither of which are my forte but I made myself push forward and give it my best shot.

Because one of the key phrases to Yo-el's teachings is "make it work for you" and I think I started to do that. Rather than trying to imitate the sequence of movements as closely as possible and focus on the specifics I allowed myself to give over to the general flow of the actions... or I sort of started to, anyway. Part of the problem I've always had executing dance routines is they put me in my head. "OK feet there, turn like that, arms... where? Oh we're at the part where we kneel OK now wait how do I get up? OK just get up, keep going" and that's more or less where I was at because unlike text I can't hold in a lot of movements on short notice and I'm simply not familiar with the vocabulary. But then after a few go rounds I was comfortable enough to say "fuck it" and just go with it.

Fuck it, just go with it. That's a mantra. A good mantra. One which I'll need as I continue my work. I did feel myself getting some things I struggled with over the summer, particularly in the area of Laban work. And I'm sure I'll continue to do so when I'm able to make it to the class.

And then this weekend, I'm taking a two day intensive training in Lecoq movement technique which I know next to nothing about but will know more about very soon. Here we go! Fuck it, just go with it. Fuck it go with it. Fuck it just go...

Banding Together!

In the spirit of collaboration and collaboration, check out my buddy's site, The Awesome Cave! It's being maintained and edited by an Emerson Alumni I met on set a few weeks ago, and it's pretty cool. He approached about a "link share" as the kids are calling it these days, and I thought "hey yeah cool that's a neat idea".

Because the internet isn't about competition, really. And neither is the entertainment business. The more people we can find who like the stuff we do, the better, and no better way to do that than to share readership and subsequently eye balls, right?

In a similar spirit, I recorded a podcast tonight with my friend Jeff Mosser so that we could talk about his play he's directing as part of a festival he's been involved with, 44 Plays For 44 Presidents which is being put on by Bad Habit Productions and was just featured in The Boston Globe! Cool, huh? In addition to that, we chatted about his new group, Project:Project and their Indie Gogo campaign which which just started and you should give money too.

While you're at it, contribute to my friend Anna Callahan's Indiegogo campaign for her startup ZoomTilt which aims to partner brands with production companies to produce original content on Youtube, oh and I have a little part in their promotional video, so check that out too.

While you're at it, here they are on Facebook, The Awesome Cave, Project: Project and ZoomTilt. At some point I'll write a more personal blog post about where I'm at, but until then!

Getting Better At Stuff, Thoughts on Self Criticism

I've been thinking a lot about how to be better, as a person, a friend, a cast member and especially an artist. I think I deserve a pat on the back for everything I've accomplished this year. Did you notice the weight I've lost? Or the work I've put into this blog? Did you know I've been trying to better myself as a musician and find more focus for composing? Or that I've slowly started doing my own podcast? Probably you've read about all the acting I've been doing. Since Rosencratz and Guildenstern ended, I accomplished one of my goals which had been to book some more film work and I've had several roles of varying smallness in a music video, a promotional video for a friend's company, a student film and an independent feature, all of which was from being on the lookout on Craigslist and New England Film. I've been making it out to a ton of theatre. And I helped my improv troupe find our way to our first paying gigs since I've been in it with my contacts I made doing theatre, and generally have been trying to improve as an improvisor and troupe member.

So let me stop and do that pat on the back thing. *Pat pat pat*. OK now there's still more I could and should be doing. Like, I've lost about twenty pounds, alright! One of my big weight loss goals was strictly getting my BMI to a healthy place and now I've done that. How? As I said to a friend when asked that, "I don't know working out a lot and being twenty three". That is to say going to the gym regularly, in addition to the weight I've put on a noticeable but not grandiose amount of muscle, eating less and not as terribly (fewer starbucks pastries and burritos) combined with my increased metabolism did most of the work. But I'd like to lose more weight, like ten or fifteen pounds, hopefully. Since getting around 205 though, my weight has more or less flat lined. Which is partially to be expected, usually in weight loss the first twenty pounds or whatever are largely water weight and drop off pretty easily. After that it becomes more challenging. If I want to lose the rest of that weight, I've got to get serious about my exercise routine, like working out at home on days that I'm not able to make it to the gym while making a point to still get to the gym at least three times a week and really work out when I get there not just for twenty minutes and then call it a day.

And I need to be serious about what I eat. As an actor, sometimes you find yourself surrounded by food, oftentimes with nothing really to do. When I was on the set of that feature film, I was there for maybe an hour or two before they ordered like ten pizzas, more than the cast and crew was able to eat and for the rest of the day there was just a bunch of pizza in addition to the sugary sodas and everything else the people on craft services had laid out. My part of the shoot took less than an hour, but was physically incredibly exhausting and mentally draining (it was a torture scene, maybe I'll blog about it at some point later) and then I was there all day with all this food, so I just hung out and snacked on pizza and drank more regular Coke than I normally would in a week, etc.

Point being to accomplish that goal I need to become focused. To become a better blogger, I need to focus and try to write at least once a week. To be a better podcaster, I need to make sure I come prepared and always be looking for ways to be doing better work. With everything I do, I need to be prepared to do my best work and be looking for the ways I can improve it.

This can be frustrating though, because putting time and focus into improving things is difficult and it's hard to keep sight of the big picture. With this blog, am I creating any tangible, immediate benefit? No, but I'm creating a series of reference points for my future self. I'm improving as a writer. I'm developing a good habit. And I'm engaging with the local community, which is something I know people appreciate. I'm struggling with similar issues with my podcast, but I think in addition to my comedic aspirations I may be able to start finding ways towards a deeper way of contributing to Boston theatre... keep an eye out for that.

And I'll just keep trying to focus on bettering myself, and recognizing everything I accomplish, one by one, it's all about keeping that balance.

Road Blocks

I find not being actively engaged with a show frustrating, I've realized. I think is one of the longest, possibly the longest, breaks from theatre I've taken in about two years. The other substantial lapse of not rehearsing or performing anything must have been May of 2011, I think. I remember right after finishing The Mousetrap I was feeling kind of burnt out after having done something like five or six plays of varying sizes so far that year, mind you three of them were small productions with very limited engagements, but it still had wore me down by that point.

After a week or two of not reporting to rehearsals, I remember feeling more or less ready to go again, and from there I went to New York for the Samuel French Festival, booked Crooked Arrows, and it was generally good crazy from there on out, going at a pace of every time a show would be wrapping up I would be just getting started on a new one. This was a satisfying pace for me to be working at, and I'd pretty much maintained it through Rosencratz and Guildenstern Are Dead until now.

Since then, I've been intermittently successful in filling my theatre hole with other stuff. I've had four or five improv shows this past month, worked on music (including a new song) tried and mostly failed to blog (I have a whole bunch of incomplete blog posts in my blogger), auditioned for and booked some film stuff as well as had some fall into my lap, sort of started a podcast (for which I have one episode done, and a bunch of material recorded which I'm still figuring out what to do with) oh and have gone to see a lot of shows.

Despite all that, I can't get over a sense aimlessness. I've been finding it very hard to finish the things I start or start the things I'd like to finish. It's weird for example with the podcast, the strange alchemy we found with the first episode which at first appearance looked like a train wreck I was able to craft into something sort of remarkable, I think. Maybe one of the funniest things I've made just with my two hands. Which isn't necessarily saying too much, I haven't made too many things like that (some songs and poems, a few bits of stories, a few pages of a screen play much of which I was ripping off at the time, etc). But I haven't felt us recapturing that yet, which is understandable we're still figuring it out. But more importantly, I've made about half way through editing both recording sessions and still haven't finished either! And then when I sit down to work on them, I find myself lamenting that the sessions weren't more successful, but that's not really a productive way of working.

Something I took away from Making It, the podcast I tend to reference, and also from when I attended "If I Knew Then" back in February or whenever that was, is that as an actor you need something else fulfilling in your life. For me, I really want to find to find a creative outlet that does that and ties back in to my acting pursuits, like hopefully helps get more acting stuff. Music is good, but doesn't accomplish that as directly as I would prefer. Improv also is good, but is very dependent on the presence and participation of other people and also various gatekeepers between you and having shows, etc. Maybe it could be writing eventually, but I can't get my head to go that way right now. So I really wanted it to be podcasting. And I hope it still can be. And I still have this blog, as much as I've been neglecting it.

I guess it's OK to feel like I'm in a little bit of a slump, these things happen and I'll come out of it then back into another one, inevitably. Such is part of the life of an actor. Success and disappointment, agony and ecstasy, and part of growing as an artist is learning to deal with all that stuff. So I'm spinning this frustration into a learning experience. And I've got some film stuff coming up this week that will hopefully challenge and energize me in a meaningful way. And then Vanya, of course. And everything else I can't foresee. And I feel better having written about it. Maybe that's what I've been missing, writing, so I'll try and do more of that too. Talk to you soon, I hope.

Getting Back to Blogging

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated you, especially compared to June and July when I'd been updating with such frequency. I guess it's beacause blogging for me is about processing, and when I have things to process I enjoy doing it in a public way, much of the time, while also flexing the old writing muscles which otherwise are neglected. Then again, since R&G closed I've had a lot to process. I've seen a bunch of theatre, gone on some auditions, did another reading of The Last Jews (which included my first visit to the Berkshires, my first King Lear, and getting to know my collaborators that much better) and performed a bunch of improv after over a month's hiatus. 

None of which though has really satisfied me like I'd hoped it might, and one thing I've tried to avoid processing is dissatisfaction because that's much less fun to read about then vicariously experiencing an artist who is satisfied by their art, and ultimately that is the product I'm trying to manufacture for your consumption, dear reader. 

Well goddamnit I'm going to update today (there are several unfinished drafts of things laying around) I'm over an hour early to a film shoot at CDIA plenty of time to tap on my iPhone. 

And I have a topic worth processing, my first significant audition in some time is this Wednesday for Stoneham Theatre's production of It's A Wonderful Life for it's ensemble. I've never seen the film version, I should probably watch it. Or at least skim the screenplay. So they want a monologue... What do I do? I have a few that might work, like my ancient standby Tom from Glass Menagerie. Or that piece from Crossing Delancey I've never quite gotten to work like I wanted.  I'm thinking of learning something new, before Wednesday, for a part in a show somewhat in my reach (I think) that would constitute kind of an important break, my first Equity show. So it's kind of stupid to learn something in three days and use this audition to test the waters. But you have to be working on stuff and trying it out and overall be taking risks. 

So that's what I'm processing. I brought some plays with me to Waltham, where I am killing time before a shoot, writing this blog, watching a father and daughter feed ducks. I realized writing this, I need to get back into blogging for the sake of process and the experience and joy of writing. Writing and creative output is like mining a river for gold I feel like sometimes. You need to keep going back to it and you'll get ounces of dirt for every gram of gold but so be it, that's how you get at the good stuff.

Week filled with theater!

This has been and will continue to be a theater filled week. Not what I was expecting after wrapping up Rosencratz and Guildenstern just this past weekend, but so it goes!

Starting Monday was the beginning of living a dream in miniature... that being, playing the role of Konstantin in the Seagull. I say in miniature, because the context was that of a presentation for my friend Thomas' directing class. He needed someone on short notice who wouldn't require a great deal of directing to pull off a Chekhov role, which I fit the bill for, and inadvertently served as sort of an assistant director filling in gaps from the play and helping to shape the staging.

And you know what? It was overall one of the most artistically satisfied experiences I've had in a long time, in a weird way kind of on par with actually getting to play Tuzenbach (my favorite role after Konstantine, followed by what's-his-face that young socialist in Cherry Orchard, actually these are just Chekhov roles I can play before my mid 30s but because it's Chekhov I still love all of them). The reason being that unlike my other recent theater experiences, all of which were wonderful in their own ways... I felt a degree of freedom and also input, of true collaboration, like I was able to come in and really just do my own thing where the scene was concerned and give input without fear of overstepping a boundary (generally speaking, giving notes to other actors or on the piece as a whole as opposed to your part in it is a faux pas). And then it went from being one thing, to another, much more beautiful thing, in just three days and it was wonderful to watch that develop and feel like I took a real part in it, as more than just an actor, but again a true collaborator. (It actually got me thinking that I might be ready now to try my hand at directing, but that's for another blog post).

So that was Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday I had an audition in Melrose of all places for someone I knew in high school's exploitation film, which I'll probably do some kind of a part in, depending on what they offer me (I don't really want to do anything super explicit, and was offered the role of "naked hippy" on the spot and which I declined, so we'll see). Again, that could be a blog post in itself.

Last night I went and saw All In The Timing by David Ives at The Factory, the first production from Amazing Moustache, a new theater company founded by someone I sort of know through Improv Boston and featuring various people I know through working with them, and although I found the sketches kind of uneven throughly enjoyed it and had fun seeing the work of my peers in the theater and improv communities combined. I'm looking forward to seeing what's next from Amazing Moustache, and would definitely audition for them in the future (I totally would have gone out for this, but it conflicted with R&G, ces la vie).

And then tonight, I saw Commonwealth's Coriolanus... not the most typical play to do a big budget out door staging of, but very well acted, very well teched, and very possible to follow, with some particularly strong performances I thought from Remo Airaldi, Karen Macdonald, Maurice Parent... oh and everybody else, they were all good. And it was also pretty cool seeing people I know from Boston theater acting in the ensemble/citizen roles, as well as my classmates from Yo-el's movement class.

When I had planned on auditioning for the production (which I ultimately wasn't able to do, due to a scheduling thing the day) I illegally downloaded and watch (nobody tell the MPAA or Comcast on me!) the recent Ralph Fiennes film adaptation, which I think will actually be coming out on DVD fairly soon and when it does... oh man, Nextflix that shit, it's really fantastic. Ralph Fiennes sets in modern day Eastern Europe, which makes certain scenes extra trippy in that you could see how a crowd would go on a riot due to a food shortage and then more so when he goes cross country, hitch hiking to Volumnia and he's just completely unconcerned with making Coriolanus sympathetic he just plays him with such brutality... it's something to see.

So anyway, I think somewhat unfairly (although it also helped enhance my experience because I knew better what was going on) I spent a lot of the time that I was watching it comparing the two, and of course film is a completely different medium from theater so there's not much point in going in to the differences. This production was much more invested in giving Coriolanus a sympathetic level of depth, and was much more sparing on the text, whereas of course the movie version cut it down to shreds and back. And the actor playing Coriolanus was much more explicitly charismatic and less psychotic then Ralph Fiennes, and this version idolized Coriolanus in a way the movie didn't. I could go down the list, but even though I didn't enjoy it as much as last year's All's Well That End's Well, I think it's very worth seeing before it closes next Saturday especially because who the hell ever stages Coriolanus? Practically nobody, so check it out.

The cap to this weekend filled with theater is that I'm waking up at 8 AM to meet my collaborator on The Last Jews, Larry Jay Tish who will be driving with me out to Lenox for the next stage of the project, a staged, filmed reading, footage from which will be used in conjunction with Kickstarter to fund a full production some later this year or next, which is exciting. In addition, this particular round of readings are being hosted by my friend and also collaborator on the project, Chuck Schwager's new theater company, Pythagoras Theater Company. So I'll be hanging out in Lenox for two days, Chuck, Larry, Bobbie Steinbach and myself. We'll be doing a reading tomorrow afternoon, then seeing King Lear at Shakespeare and Company (my first time seeing it) and doing another reading on Monday before coming back.

Theater! Oh yeah! OK I should go to sleep, check you later, blogosphere.