Getting Better At Stuff, Thoughts on Self Criticism

I've been thinking a lot about how to be better, as a person, a friend, a cast member and especially an artist. I think I deserve a pat on the back for everything I've accomplished this year. Did you notice the weight I've lost? Or the work I've put into this blog? Did you know I've been trying to better myself as a musician and find more focus for composing? Or that I've slowly started doing my own podcast? Probably you've read about all the acting I've been doing. Since Rosencratz and Guildenstern ended, I accomplished one of my goals which had been to book some more film work and I've had several roles of varying smallness in a music video, a promotional video for a friend's company, a student film and an independent feature, all of which was from being on the lookout on Craigslist and New England Film. I've been making it out to a ton of theatre. And I helped my improv troupe find our way to our first paying gigs since I've been in it with my contacts I made doing theatre, and generally have been trying to improve as an improvisor and troupe member.

So let me stop and do that pat on the back thing. *Pat pat pat*. OK now there's still more I could and should be doing. Like, I've lost about twenty pounds, alright! One of my big weight loss goals was strictly getting my BMI to a healthy place and now I've done that. How? As I said to a friend when asked that, "I don't know working out a lot and being twenty three". That is to say going to the gym regularly, in addition to the weight I've put on a noticeable but not grandiose amount of muscle, eating less and not as terribly (fewer starbucks pastries and burritos) combined with my increased metabolism did most of the work. But I'd like to lose more weight, like ten or fifteen pounds, hopefully. Since getting around 205 though, my weight has more or less flat lined. Which is partially to be expected, usually in weight loss the first twenty pounds or whatever are largely water weight and drop off pretty easily. After that it becomes more challenging. If I want to lose the rest of that weight, I've got to get serious about my exercise routine, like working out at home on days that I'm not able to make it to the gym while making a point to still get to the gym at least three times a week and really work out when I get there not just for twenty minutes and then call it a day.

And I need to be serious about what I eat. As an actor, sometimes you find yourself surrounded by food, oftentimes with nothing really to do. When I was on the set of that feature film, I was there for maybe an hour or two before they ordered like ten pizzas, more than the cast and crew was able to eat and for the rest of the day there was just a bunch of pizza in addition to the sugary sodas and everything else the people on craft services had laid out. My part of the shoot took less than an hour, but was physically incredibly exhausting and mentally draining (it was a torture scene, maybe I'll blog about it at some point later) and then I was there all day with all this food, so I just hung out and snacked on pizza and drank more regular Coke than I normally would in a week, etc.

Point being to accomplish that goal I need to become focused. To become a better blogger, I need to focus and try to write at least once a week. To be a better podcaster, I need to make sure I come prepared and always be looking for ways to be doing better work. With everything I do, I need to be prepared to do my best work and be looking for the ways I can improve it.

This can be frustrating though, because putting time and focus into improving things is difficult and it's hard to keep sight of the big picture. With this blog, am I creating any tangible, immediate benefit? No, but I'm creating a series of reference points for my future self. I'm improving as a writer. I'm developing a good habit. And I'm engaging with the local community, which is something I know people appreciate. I'm struggling with similar issues with my podcast, but I think in addition to my comedic aspirations I may be able to start finding ways towards a deeper way of contributing to Boston theatre... keep an eye out for that.

And I'll just keep trying to focus on bettering myself, and recognizing everything I accomplish, one by one, it's all about keeping that balance.

Is it Spring yet?

One of the best things about living in New England is Spring. It's probably my favorite season. I guess tied with fall. And also, summer. Basically all the seasons that are not winter. I really enjoy going out in a light or medium coat. This is of course especially true after like five months of crappy weather, basically the stretch from November to somewhere in March where things start to turn...

And we are fast approaching that turning point! Exciting, yes? We had a few days in February where it got up into the 40s and 50s, and man were they delightful... more so than when the weather did that in November and December that was just creepy. But now that the days are elongating, the angles of sun light actually match up with those kinds of temperatures.

Speaking of Spring, that's when Crooked Arrows will be arriving at a theatre near you (if you live in select markets) May 18th! Wow so this thing I've been talking and thinking about will be becoming concrete and then onwards from there! I want to speculate on what this could mean for me, but I won't because I don't know and won't know until after it comes out so what good is speculating?

Meanwhile in the present, I did my second round of ADR yesterday. Fun fact: ADR stands for Automated Dialogue Replacement. I did a bunch of this in LA while I was out there, I think they wanted while they had me in person to just record a bunch of extra stuff while they could and it was actually a pretty fantastic experience, both in learning a new skill set and in collaborating with the film's director Steve Rash. This was also quite an experience, as this time I actually had to redo lines so that they synced up with my performance on camera, I essentially had to lip synch myself. Generally with Chad Bryan, because I had such a strong understanding of the character, I could knock out my stuff in at most three takes also depending on the complexity of the text at hand (some of his lines get pretty wordy) but this took me like ten or twelve takes to nail down the exact rhythm that I was saying the line at. Later on, I had to deliver one of my lines from a place of actual... sincerity. Generally, Chad is kind of a smug bastard. He's a big lacrosse nerd at heart, and he loves the game so much that he can't help but run around to all these prep schools and do his little online show of live commentary on the games and over the course of the movie he goes from viewing the Crooked Arrows as pitiful to really admiring them. And it's in a moment of sincere admiration that he talks about the conclusion of the typical sports movie cliches and delivers a heart felt line about how they won't give up. So I really had to drop down out of Chad... but I still wanted to fight to keep some of him in there, but stepping away from the cartoonish persona that I was dependent on to drive the character while keeping the shading of those characteristics... the best take and the one I assume they'll go with was the one where I was able to drop way out, and then at the end bring it back in. That also took me like ten or twelve takes to really nail down, and it was hard!

But I'm a better actor for it, and I'm glad that they decided to go back in and add that heart to my character. I think it will reflect better on the film, on Chad's role and on me as an actor in relationship to all of that. All in all from what I was able to glean, I think it will be a really entertaining family film. So that's that.

In other news, I had my audition for Three Sisters on Sunday, and I felt like it went really well. In the four major plays of Chekov of which I am a big fan, Chekov is probably my favorite playwright ever, there are maybe half a dozen roles I'm in a place age and I guess life wise to play right now. Konstantin in the Seagull being a big one, the young communist in The Cherry Orchard who's name I can't remember is another, and Tuzenbach and Andrei in Three Sisters are two others. And if nothing else in that audition, I got to play those two roles, just a few pages at a time, for a little while. And it felt very satisfying. Chekov is just such an actor's dream to play if you know where to look for the nuances of his writing which I frankly do because I had good teachers who taught me how. I can't make the callback on Thursday, which is unfortunate, but I felt like I put forward good work and the director said they would keep me in consideration and that's all I can hope for.

Oh and lastly, why can't I make it to callbacks on Thursday? BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN SWIMMING IN THE SHALLOWS OPENS. Holy shit. How long has it been? Like a month? A little less than that I think? Wow. This is going to be a great show. It hasn't really hit me yet, here we are in tech, this is the moment where everything really comes together. And then an audience enters the room, and BOOM ACTING *MAAAAAAGIC*. Seriously, it's going to be a great show, hopefully if you are reading this you got an email invitation but if not consider yourself invited! It's really been a fantastic experience with a fantastic group and I've been able to push myself to do things I've never done or thought I would have been capable of a few years ago.

So come see it. That's all for now, ciao!