Being Satisfied

So you might have noticed a recent Facebook post debating the merits of attending an audition when you've been wait listed. I might as well just tell you the audition was for Actor's Shakespeare Project. Before my focus was sort of reoriented towards film and television, my pipe dream had been to work with that particular company. I think as actors (or any kind of artist), it's important to have those pipe dreams, as well as tangible more easily realized immediate goals and to keep them in perspective with another. I would almost argue that they function best in sort of an inverse proportion to one another. That is to say, if your "pipe dream" is something way far out like be a movie star and it's a fantasy you actively engage with to the point of thinking "what would be the necessary steps" which is something I do with pipe dreams and practical goals a like, a good practical goal would be say getting cast in a community theatre production or getting a call back, I don't know. Everyone works differently. But for me, and I believe this is true generally, it's important to remain focused on the here and now, the immediate steps you can be taking to better yourself as an actor and advance your career... while also allowing some mental space to think "oh but what if". Anyway, for a while I was sort of fixated on being hired by Actor's Shakespeare Project. In pursuit of this goal, I actively sought out opportunities to work with and study under their company members. You might know I was in Paula Plum's workshop production of The Blue Room or when Jennie Israel came to Harvard to do an undergraduate production of Measure for Measure I auditioned (and by the grace of my prior collaborators at Harvard was cast as Elbow) and then went on to take their class they teach, Shakespeare Workout. I realized though, to be honest, I'm not good enough at Shakespeare to perform it at a professional level. Also, seeing some ASP shows, I could tell I just wasn't at that level as an actor and so allowed that pipe dream to go up in smoke. Speaking practically, I'm also just not really the type that they cast for right now as a comedic character actor. Shakespeare is full of those kinds of "clown" type roles, and as a company they have a lot of actors who are good at performing them. And in particular, my big niche right now especially in terms of professional theatre are generally adolescent or post adolescent type roles with nerdy or intellectual or outsidery character traits and those are less of a thing in Shakespeare (and more of a thing in film/television right now, so the switch in pipe dreaming).

Keeping all of that in mind, I was hesitant initially to request a slot for ASP's non equity auditions... but then I thought "what the hell". And then I heard back and I was wait listed. I went over the pros and cons, posted the issue to Facebook, etc and in the end no one ever got anything by not trying, am I right? It's also a piece of advice I give to actor friends who want to audition for something they couldn't get a time for, because of scheduling or if it's an AEA thing or whatever.  Just show up, ideally as early in the day as possible and say "hey I'd really like to audition, can you squeeze me in?" Because if you want something you have to go after it, and in the nest of baby bird's the loudest most obnoxious one gets fed first. Which isn't to say be obnoxious, be extremely polite and try to learn and remember people's names and stuff. But be persistent, and hopefully the people giving out worms will notice that and maybe you'll get one. Or not.

Anyway, I showed up right at 10 AM and held the door for Allyn Burrows as he entered the theatre which made me feel sort of like I was accomplishing something even if I wasn't. And after waiting about 45 minutes, someone cancelled for 3:36 and I was in. This was sort of an issue though, because my weekly guitar lesson is at 3:30... but it's in Porter Square and this was in Central and it lasts about an hour so if I get in at 3:36 I can probably be there by four... I thought to myself... and am I going to get another chance? OK I'll take this one. Went home. Went to the gym. Tried to nap a little. Headed back to the theatre around 2:45... and waited. They were running way behind, like twenty minutes more like thirty by the time I auditioned at 4:05 or so. This seemed to be because the three minute audition slots were turning into 5 or over audition slots as Allyn worked stuff with people in the room as is his right as the auditor. I got in, said hi to Allyn and Jennie, handed my stuff over and did my truncated Claudio from Stagesource. I had worked on the scene in SWO with Jennie and Allyn had been in the room for one of those sessions, so if nothing else I wanted to show them "hey, here I am still auditioning and here is where I'm at with my work and this piece" which took like forty five seconds, then Allyn made a comment "she's not buying it, is she" in his typical Allyn Burrows manner, they thanked me as I was on my way.

I ended up missing my guitar lesson. I didn't get any feed back or performance adjustments. It was kind of an all day thing. Leaving the theatre, it was not hard to think "well what was the point of that?" but now I think, and I believe "I did some good work in that room". I really think I did what I wanted to do with the piece, and showed them what I wanted to show them and that's pretty good. And it's probably better they just sent me off, because they were totally in the weeds, so I can count it as a mercy to my fellow auditioners who were able to go home sooner.

So I'm just going to be satisfied with what I did. Even if I don't get a call back, for the reasons listed above and since they must have auditioned like a bajillion people yesterday, I learned something from the experience about how to be content with what happens and letting go of preconceptions. Now it's just about putting the next foot in front of the other.

EDIT: Also, shout out to the guy I ran into who reads this blog! Hey man! Also anyone else reading this who I might have seen or who was at ASP auditions yesterday. What was your experience like? I'm all about starting a dialogue.