Guilty Pleasure

If you aren't watching "Work of Art" on Bravo, maybe think about giving it a shot. It's basically Project Runway with visual artists, ta-da! And these days for me, it's what constitutes a guilty pleasure. Lately, television as a whole has taken on this weird duality of high minded art ( Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Community etc, these highly written shows in the style of The Sopranos or Larry Sanders or whatever) and utter trash which stimulates one's pleasure centers only in the most base ways possible... Bravo makes  a whole line of these kinds of shows. This trend can be traced to the late 90s, The Sopranos and Survivor are I would argue the two most primal archetypes for the dominant forms of the TV landscape today. Work of Art almost sort of crosses them, if only in the sense that it's essentially a trashy, highly fabricated reality competition show in the vein of Project Runway, but it's about high art, or as one of the judges described it "a game show for artists". That's probably a little too high minded, and now that I think about it, the show really has nothing to do with the Soprano's... but it's entertaining regardless! Especially for someone like me, who has a limited stomach for guilty pleasure television unless there is some remote aspect of craft or information or SOMETHING other than people acting terribly to one another and crying. And Work of Art has the whole art angle as interpreted through a Project Runway/Top Chef lense, two shows I've enjoyed in the past. This season thus far though has been especially self aware, with the host China Chow addressing one of the artists in a cold monotone post judgement and being placed in the bottom "Are you crying because you aren't feeling well?" and then saying "feel better!" after she'd been eliminated. Shit, harsh, awesome. Also this season, the artist I am rooting for is named "The Sucklord" not just because his name is Sucklord and he makes art about action figures, but he's just a great reality show personality, full of snark and enough self awareness of everything to make the experience palatable, playing along but not blowing the whole thing off. I don't really have that much to add about this show. If you like Project Runway you'd probably enjoy it, although I haven't watched that other program since... season 4? The one where Christian Serrano won at the end. Anyway, check it out. I think my thesis about the Sopranos/Survivor dichotomy is a good one... and one that I came up with in the process of writing this post! Some cultural studies major should expand on it. If they haven't already. Probably they have. Ah well, originality is overrated.

The Weight (aka the actor's journey)

I have begun the next phase of "the next phase" (a phase within a phase, a prelude to phases yet to come) of my acting career: dieting. Since I last spoke about it in my blog in the bodies in space entry, yes I've been going to the gym with increased frequency, three to four times per week for the past month maybe? In the meantime though, beginning with when I was working on R&G Are Dead, my eating habits have progressively been getting worse. I would say they had been worse, got better when I started living with my girlfriend and got back into the habit of cooking at home and eating vegetables instead of burritos from Felipe's for multiple meals of the day, but at some point I started eating a lot more junk food. Specifically processed sugar, cookies and mountain dew and all those other kinds of shit, which I used to not really do so much. I mean sure I'd have a scone a week or something from a coffee shop, or the occasional sugary drink or snack but I found myself indulging all the time and not stopping myself. It had to do with the brownies my girlfriend made me for my birthday, which I ate most of cause that's maybe my favorite desert and then from there things went downhill.

Then, the other day, I weighed myself... "oh I've been going to the gym, maybe I lost a few pounds", but then let's just say I wasn't happy with the result. Mind you I don't have a good recent basis of comparison, and actually I think my weight is where it was the last time I took it like six months ago, but still, like many Americans stepping off the scale I committed myself to taking action... but will I succeed where so many routinely fail?

A little about my history, I was a heavy kid. It weighed upon me, growing up, especially in the second grade when it first became a subject of ridicule from a certain 2nd grader in my new school, it had it's first real impact on my self esteem. But I grew taller, and my weight stayed the same, that old story, and I did thin out somewhat, more or less to the state you see me in today with some fluctuation.

And the name of this post is the actor's journey (besides the reference to the song by The Band, that's what that is) and this is something professional actors deal with, it's part of the job to look a certain way. Now, I'm a character actor, my weight is much less relevant to casting people then in the case of someone who was more of a "leading man" type, but this is going to be a life long journey and I don't want my physical type to affect my potential success, I'd like to look... well, good. And then feel good. And do good work. And have a good career. And not get diabetes, which runs in my family.

As to the nuts and bolts of this process, I'm still figuring that out. My strategy is just to eat less. Today, before going to the gym which I will do after I press "publish", I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with my coffee, no added sugar or salt in any of the ingredients, so that's good, and I put it on one piece of bread folded in half instead of two. BOOM less calories. It's a start, onward from there.

Boring Weekend

Well, by most people's standards, that was a pretty boring weekend. By my own standard, it was totally par for the course of my life at this moment, and I don't particularly mind it. Yesterday, I hung out with my girlfriend and went to the gym, tonight I was in rehearsal in Hyde Park until 10:30 or so, then came home and ate dinner. I know, I am the rock and roll lifestyle personified.

One thing I did that was interesting this past week, was go to see Collective Stories. And then, I had lunch afterwards with one of it's stars, Bobbie Steinbach! By coincidence! A few weeks, maybe a month or so ago, another actor associate of mine invited me to participate in an informal reading of a new work a writer he knew was working in, which needed a male 20 something supporting character, and the other actor involved other than the two of us was Bobbie Steinbach, who hosted the event at her home. This was in a way, a lesson unto itself in "making it" on several levels. My associate, or let's just call him my friend, I knew from a workshop I did and subsequently a class we were in together. Another associate/friend of mine needed to cast a role in a show, which this person would have been a good fit for, so I got the two of them in touch. As it happened, he had a conflict with the production dates, and didn't go out for it. But I have no doubt that this lead in part to him contacting me about this other opportunity, which was a chance to meet some new people, a writer (who are some of the best people to know and work with, because if you attach your voice to the voice of a character early in it's development, oftentimes it will develop towards you and you might end up playing the part, as I likely will if this piece ever goes up) and a well known actor, Bobbie, who I respected. I then see Bobbie in Collected Stories this past Thursday, which was very good and you should see it if you get the chance. I really came away with no major criticisms. Overall it was a very satisfactory production, entertaining, engaging, thought provoking, and worth seeing. Afterwards, having time to cool and feeling hungry, I went to a eatery near the Arsenal but not in the main complex that my friend turned me onto when we working in the space this past May, and as I was finishing my sandwich, I saw Bobbie and she invited me to sit and have lunch with her and her husband, it was a lovely time.

All of which came out of being out in the world, and when I saw an opportunity that applied to someone I knew, I shared it. You know, it's a tricky dynamic. On the one hand, acting is so competitive, and it can be very "dog eat dog". If it had been something I thought I would be a good fit for, and I knew someone who also could be up for it, I might not have mentioned it especially if I wasn't especially close to the person in question, which in the case of my friend in the scenario above I'm not. On the other hand, you can't really "make it" completely on your own, you have to get help from other people somewhere along the line, and people are more likely to give help to someone who has helped them in some way prior to that moment.

It's tough knowing when to help out, and when to hold back. Granted, helping anybody out has yet to hinder me in career, and when someone I know is successful I'm always happy for them. I'm also really not in a place to hold resentments of anyone else's success, seeing as I've been getting plenty of opportunities and oh yeah I was in a movie with Brandon Routh that's coming out this Spring, so I think I'll be OK for the foreseeable future. I think I mentioned in this blog though, how in the audition for Crooked Arrows I declined to share the new sides I'd printed out and brought with me with a fellow actor also auditioning for the part. I don't know if it made a difference, but the director did say to me during shooting "Michael, the reason you got the part in this film is because you were the only one to audition who was really prepared" so go figure. And you know what? I was prepared. I printed those sides, I learned them, I did my homework. Maybe I was also lucky that the casting agency called and told me there would be new sides on the website, it doesn't matter. What does is that I got the part in that case. And that one was sheer circumstance, nothing to do with anything I done for anybody prior to that. But the next one could be.

So today's lesson, always be on the lookout, for yourself and for ways to help other people out because karma can be your friend.

Whew! I was going to talk about the other stuff that happened this week, but that was a much more interesting post. Let's leave it at that.

Standing Up to the third power

Tonight was my third attempt at stand up...

I'd like to write "and it was fantastic!" or "it was so gratifying!" or "I can't wait to do it again!" and I feel guilty because of all the nice encouragement I got when I posted I was going up tonight on Facebook, but... it was sorta "meh". I think I was the most comfortable I've been on stage as a stand up yet, out of my three times doing it, and hey that is progress. But I had an epiphany, starting out, to get your five minutes on stage at an open mic, you need to be committed to being in a room for at least, say two hours, in this case a rather loud room, watching person after person not really get any laughs before eventually getting up for your five minutes. To make matters worse for me tonight, after being told I would be going up shortly, the comic who I had been told would call me up called the person I was supposed to call up and then that person called someone else up, and so forth until I went and spoke to the guy organizing the event and he was very apologetic and diplomatic that a mistake had taken place. And you know, shit happens, it's fine, but it really killed any lingering excitement I had about reciting what I'd written in my notebook and had been preparing mentally for the past two hours. Appropriate to the hour (it was just after midnight) the crowd was pretty sleepy. My first few volleys went OK, but I pretty quickly lost momentum and I felt the crowd more or less tune out. I had hoped to take my buddy Chris Anton's advice and work in my "pseudo angry" character that I would do backstage, but I was so not into it at that point and so low energy, it wasn't really going to happen. I did sort of an imitation of it, and referenced said imitation, and that got kind of a laugh and sort of propelled me into my Hamlet bit. I should consider it an accomplishment that I held their attention for as long as I did, and with a fairly high brow joke about the presence of the Oedipus complex in Hamlet (high brow that is for an incest joke, HEY-OH!) but at the end of my five minutes... I just wasn't feeling it.

And I'm sorry to say it, but I feel like that's my relationship at this point to stand up in general. Granted this is only after going up three times at the same fairly difficult open mic night, but I just don't get the same joy that I do out of acting or improv, I don't really think it's a thing that justifies the amount of time and effort required for me to do just five minutes. I know some people really love it... but I just don't seem to. Maybe when I'm able to get there earlier in the night and subsequently go up before midnight, I'll try it again, but that probably won't be for a while. If I do

Discovery

I've made some fun discoveries over the course of the past few rehearsals for Our Town. At first, when presented with the challenge of playing Mr. Webb, one of the play's two father figures to the couple central to the play's story, I thought of playing my own father. As is often the case however, changes happen, and with plans evaporate or morph. With the encouragement of the director, and through my own engagement and sense of play with the text, I've found Mr. Webb to be much closer to myself then I initially thought, but a different side of myself then I usually end up playing. I find it easy to inhabit the comedic "Woody Allen" archetype or a variation on that form for many of my roles, it's a template I return to frequently because I know how to do it and it works, and it reflects an aspect of my self which I can magnify appropriately for a role. That isn't the rhythm I'm finding for Mr. Webb though, who throughout the play finds himself in the position of "winging it", and with some hesitation but not so much as to be crippling, tackles the issue at hand and finds a solution with humor and bravado. Sounds like someone I know... that would be myself, but a more mature version of myself, who has experiences to draw on and knows how to handle situations and find answers to questions. Mr. Webb is in his own way, a take charge kind of guy. He has an easy going but confident manner, he stands up straight, he tells it like he sees it, but again does all this with his own charm and humor. I find myself really liking the guy, and rather then drawing on a comic stereotype of myself as a kid or variation on a man child, I'm playing an idealized version of my adult self, who doesn't always have the answer but when he doesn't is able to find a reasonable compromise.

My director has been extremely helpful in this process, and I've been having a great time. He's more of an outside in kind of guy (I wonder if that has to do with his design background, oh yeah probably), and in this production is interested in using different levels of stylization to achieve the best story possible. He has an awareness of theatre as a heightened reality but which is constantly grounded in the experience of the audience, taking in the play. The style of the play is a naturalism which appreciates it's own status as a style and acknowledges that it is not set in the present, and allows the characters to represent people from the past. I could go on trying to describe the aesthetic and the slight Brechtian elements (no stop don't be turned off it's nothing bad or crazy just slightly deconstructed), but I'll hold off for now.

Regardless, I'm having a good time and it will be a production worth seeing of a play not commonly done well. In other news, Rosencratz and Guildenstern are Dead came to a close, and I am left with mixed feelings. Certain aspects of the production could have been executed better. Rather then go into detail, I'll allow that anyone reading this from the show knows what I'm talking about, and I'm not blaming anybody just stating a fact. At the end of the day, for me as an artist, I didn't leave the theatre being all that satisfied with having done something worthwhile, and I mean that in the most selfish possible sense. I, the actor, was at no point in the spotlight in any substantial way or contributed to the production in a way that made a difference to the rest of the piece, and that was a little frustrating, putting the hours commuting, rehearsing, etc for no real pay off or gained experience which I could draw on in a substantial way in the future which I would not have gotten from just reading the play a lot, maybe.

On the other hand, I made a lot of friends and enjoyed the company of some really good people who I hope to work with again in the future, or just have a beer with at some point. And that's certainly worthwhile. It's kind of a funny contrast, in that I usually feel somewhat more of the former (satisfaction with my artistic contribution) then the latter (a sense of camaraderie and friendship among my peers) just because I'm kind of socially awkward and often have a hard time getting really comfortable with a group of people, and knowing they will take my sense of humor the right way. But I did have that in this particular dressing room, and I'll miss the folks I had it with. C'est la vie! Until the next one, right?

bodies in space

Well, I'm chugging along at a comfortable pace. Taking stock post graduation, so far, so good, nothing I can complain about. Rosencratz and Guildenstern had a strong opening. I could complain about the time and effort I put into being in that show for a total of five or ten minutes of stage time with no lines in a 2 hour plus show with three weekends of performances... but I can't really complain about that. My role is just the perfect size that I was able to blow off two weeks or so of rehearsal right in the middle of the process to go be in a movie, anything else of any size would have created a conflict which have resulted in me walking out on the production to go make money, but I didn't have to do that. Also, I have made a bunch of new friends, more so than I would say I have on other shows I feel like these could be lasting connections I've been making. Of course, they probably won't amount to much more than "liking" an occasional post on Facebook and saying "what's up" at an audition, "oh not much, you?" "yeah same" I always say that even though I've had a bunch of stuff happen in the past year, I don't usually feel like going into it in a short amount of time. Especially with the movie thing, I feel kind of embarrassed describing the scope of this incredible achievement to people, but should I? If it weren't for the fact that I'm the only person I know, especially in my cohort, to reach that level I might feel less weird. But yeah, I kinda do, I went there. I feel weird as well that I didn't appreciate it as much as I could have at the time, I spent a lot of the time I was on set unhappy to be there, when it was a really great gig from which I benefited tremendously financially and from which I hope to gain further benefit professionally when it comes out and I do the paper work to get my SAG card, etc...

But enough about that. It's old news! I have all this stuff in the pipeline, R&G is up and running, Our Town is in rehearsals, Uncle Vanya will be going up in December, next year the film should come out... why aren't I more satisfied? I'm still hungry, which is a good thing, you have to be hungry as an actor, but I don't really have room for anything else. I'm more or less booked out until February, which is a good thing, but it leaves me without anything to chase after...

Which isn't even really true. I have a lot to work on as an actor, most of it having to do with my physical instrument. I guess I'm not in terrible shape, especially compared to when I was younger, but I have a long way to go in the physical fitness department. Ever seen me touch my toes? Me neither. I've been keeping up with my Alexander technique practice, that's helped my posture substantially, but I've been neglecting my obligations to the gym, my physical flexibility, and my overall physical presence and awareness. I was called out on this the other day, at the first meeting of a new scene study I'm doing with Rosalind Thomas Clark and Victoria Marsh of Company One. For the first class we had to present a monologue, and like Ross Macdonald before them, they called me out on a lack of physical awareness. Part of this was nerves and going first in the class (I do that a lot) but it's something I need to address before I can continue my progress. One thing among many...

But then I speak of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy

A week ago on Stagesource, Stoneham Theatre posted an audition notice for Mercutio in their production of Romeo and Juliet. You might have seen the posting, I mentioned it to my friend Chris at a rehearsal for R&G Are Dead as I started to explain it's contents he said "of course it was on Stagesource, it's a Thursday of course I checked Stagesource, even though I'm committed to all these different things, what if there was something better!" Sidetracked, I just thought that was funny. Anyway of course I responded, because I knew Stoneham was doing R&J with age appropriate actors and I'd submitted for it but I think at the time they were looking for specifically high school aged actors, which although I can play high school aged, I am of course not. So when I saw the posting, I got excited and jumped to respond. One of my goals professionally is to do more Shakespeare, another one of my goals is to be cast in an equity show. Both of these are things that I'll achieve eventually, I don't doubt that I'll get there. This would achieve two of those goals, however, and in the form of one of those roles that I'd really love to sink my teeth into, one of Shakespeare's great comic parts.

I recieved a response within... twelve hours at least, and looked at the requirements. They'd asked for actors to either prepare the Queen Mab speech or R&J Act II scene i between Benvolio and Mercutio directly before the balcony scene. I chose Queen Mab, pulled my Arden off the shelf, and started going over it, untangling all of the crazy images of the speech and their meaning. I also shot off an email to my fantastic acting coach, who although she was directing a show about to go up at Stoneham I'd hoped would have some time to help with the piece. She did, over the weekend I continued reviewing it, I met with her on Monday and we broke it down. All of the things I didn't get, the pronunciations I had wrong, etc, she helped me with, we broke down into it's parts and found specific things about those parts and made a nice big comic showpiece of the speech. I felt really good about our work together, and I set about memorizing it as much as possible.

Tuesday I continued working on it, although not as diligently as I could have.

Wednesday, yesterday, was the big day. On the train ride to Melrose to meet my Mom who would then take me to the theatre for my 5 PM audition, I reviewed the speech and found that I had it pretty well and good in my brain, I thought. I was just at the point where I could recite it to myself, image to image, without looking at the paper, I was just right at that point. I got to the theatre, my mouth was dry. I went to the bathroom, drank some water from the faucet (there might have been a water fountain I didn't see one), and gargled cause isn't that a thing you do? I filled out the form, which the other two fellows and one lady (they were open to cross casting) directed me to, and waited. The girl went in before me. She was also doing Queen Mab. At the time I judged her piece before moving to another section of hallway where I wouldn't hear it, but without seeing it what can one really tell? Not much. She finished, I went in, introduced myself and then BOOM "Ohhhhhh I see QUEEN MAB has been with you!" and on from there. I thought the piece was going well, I was focused on my imaginary Romeo but caught a few glimpses of their faces. They seemed engaged, with a look of either fascination or horror or SOMETHING (let's say fascination), and I continued through what I'd prepared, through the intro, into the description of the chariot's components, into where Queen Mab rides and then... what does she ride over? Knees? Fingers? Lips? I'd lost my place! I went blank, stopped, "Annnnd I lost my place" I admitted somewhat sheepishly with a smile, which got a chuckle, pulled out my paper found where I was and continued. Of course I lost some momentum, became a little more self conscious then I had been, but got back on track and finished. Then they said "Thank you!" I said thank you back.... and left.

I suppose it could have gone better. I could have not went up on that line, I could have learned the speech a little bit better to prepare for that possibility. I could have been a little more spontaneous, I'm worried that my comic gesturing may have come off as planned or calculated and not  as "in the moment" as I know I'm capable of. None of that really matters. That is a hard ass speech, and I prepared it in a week and delivered... Mike Handelman! Doing Queen Mab! As best as I could. I would not say I was anything other than myself in that audition. And especially for a character actor, yourself is the most you can be. The question is, how did I deliver technically (pretty well, overall I thought) and as a character actor, do I fit in with their idea of what they want their Mercutio to be? I would say I would be a very capable, entertaining and interesting Mercutio (IMHO as unhumble as that might sound) but nor am I an obvious choice for the role. I'd allowed myself to become invested in it, again two career goals in one, but now that it's over I'm at peace with whatever the result happens to be. As is necessary in the life of an actor, I've resigned myself to not getting the part, to getting a "thank you, but no" email or no contact at all. Those of you who are non actors might think that's pessimistic, but it's just the reality.

Knowing that I'm not an obvious choice for the role and probably wouldn't be getting it, I came into it thinking I would treat the experience as an exercise. The result of which would be, if nothing else, a comprehensive blog post on my experience preparing for and executing an audition piece, for posterity and viewing later on after I've done a whole bunch of Shakespeare and equity shows I can say "oh yeah I remember that one audition, back when I first learned Queen Mab..."